To Sleep, Perchance To Dream
by Eich
Summary: A/U Tumblr prompt: you live across the hall and run to my appartment when you want to avoid your one night stands.
1. Chapter 1

_A / N: I've read the prompt somewhere que said: "you live across the hall and hide in my apartment When You want to avoid your one night stands ". It's been a while since I've wrote something , I believe this is my very first Gail x Holly fic , Inglês is not my first lenguage AND it was made on my phone so this is me apologizing in advance ok ?_

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**To Sleep, Perchance to Dream (Gail X Holly AU)**

On the back of your mind, you register the creak of your front door opening. It's very late for some and very earlier for others, and the fact that you live alone, with no close relatives around should just make this whole thing even more worrisome.

It should. But it doesn't.

You know who it is.

You did gave her a key after all. After getting tired of being ripped out of bed in the middle of the night just so you could let her in.

Well, that wasn't entirely true. You still wake up whenever she crosses that door, you just wanted to make sure she knew you didn't care to be her "fire escape" as she had called you once. That she was welcomed here whenever she needed, or wanted, the most.

The muffled sound of sock clad feet sliding through your wooden floor, makes you shift from the center of the bed and silently count the seconds until the mattress dips and a cold body climbs up to rest beside you.

There's a small smile on your face when you hear her pulling the covers up to her shoulders with a happy sigh, gripping tight at one of your pillows. She settles almost instantly and only then you open your eyes, risking a glance at the clock sitting on your bedside table. The red angry numbers burn on your eyes and tell you all you need to know, soon you decide not to think much and close them again.

"4:30? Really?"

Her groan is muffled by the pillow she had buried herself in. But in the dead silence of the night everything seems louder, clearer, more...real, even among the fogs of slumber still wrapped around your mind.

Her hand on your skin feels soft, almost ethereal, and warmer than it really is at this late hour when she has just abandoned her bed - for reasons you prefer not to think about - and crossed the cold hall of the building on her way to your apartment.

She attempts to shove your shoulder but in her sleepy state, it turns out to be more like a caress than anything else. Her palm sliding all the way across your cervical over to the mattress, sending shivers down your spine and a smile to spread across your face.

"Just go to sleep nerd."

And so you do.

You let yourself go knowing that there's someone else in her bed.

Knowing that only a few meters away there's someone whose body is soaked by her scent, marked by the feel of her body moving against its own, someone whose hands have wandered over curves and dips and soft skin, whose lips have tasted the sweetness that is her, whose eyes have witnessed the storm you long for.

You are pulled back into the land of dreams knowing you may never be as lucky as the faceless person lying over her sheets right now, and that, as much as it pains you, it doesn't really matter.

You have learned to take comfort in the fact that she may share her body with someone else for a while, but in the end she only ever shares her sleep with you.

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_That's is, please let me know what you think, thanks for reading it!_


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: Thank you very, very much for all the lovely comments and all the support. You guys are amazing! I wasn't really planning on continuing this but I have some free time now and you guys convinced me into turning this to a multichapter...so…here's chapter two:_

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**Chapter 2**

You're half way through your cup of coffee when the sound of running water catches your attention. Placing the newspaper down, you reach for the white "DAD" mug sitting on your cupboard filling it with the dark rich liquid and placing it over the countertop just as the blonde emerge from your bedroom. She's wearing a long sleeve grey shirt that covered just over the middle of her thighs, barefoot and tousled hair;

Gail does not makes this easy for you.

You try not to stare as she make her way to the kitchen, but you know you're doing a terrible job at hiding it. At least she's too sleepy to notice, rubbing her eyes and yawning.

There's a little tug on your heart.

It's too easy to imagine this as something else.

Too easy to picture her as the girlfriend that wakes up to the smell of your coffee after spending the night at your bed.

In another life, in that other life, she would have come home to you after her shift last night, you would be waiting for her with pesto sauce pizza and beer and some old movie she would make faces at but wouldn't be able to take her eyes from the screen. You would share histories from your day, you would hear her complaining about all the other Rookies but would be able to see the affection in her eyes as she mentions them. You would cuddle on the couch and then, when the credits started to roll, you would have pulled her to bed and kissed her goodnight before holding her close as she fell into slumber.

She would have slept in your arms all night and you would probably wake up to a numb arm, but it wouldn't have mattered. You would still be able to feel her.

Right here, though, right now, in this world you call real, she's only a friend. You best friend, that's true, but a friend nonetheless.

She hasn't come home to you, but went out to have drinks with her friends. There wasn't pizza, beer and movies, but tequila, flirts and shared cabs to her apartment. You will still hear about her day and the other Rookies but there will also be _him_, with lucky she will only mention _him_ once or twice never getting into any details. There weren't cuddles, but articles and papers. No holding her to sleep, but waking up to her sneaking into your bed late at night.

You're still able to feel her, but it's only as a breeze. Passing by. Never staying. Never belonging.

You swallow the lump in your throat, cursing yourself for wondering that far.

You're such a cliché it's ridiculous.

Falling for the straight girl, who happens to be your best friend AND your neighbor. What the hell, Holly! You supposed to be smarter than that!

With a sigh you turn your backs to her, getting a refill.

The groan followed by a small bang informs you that Gail has reached her destination. Looking over you shoulder you see her perched over your countertop and can't help but to chuckle at the adorableness that is cranky Gail Peck in the mornings.

"Good morning, sunshine" you nudges her arm with the warm mug. She groans at your nickname once more, but reaches out to grab the coffee as you walked pass her and into the living area.

Couple of minutes go by before she comes to sit on the carpet in front on the TV, resting her backs on the couch you're currently lying on with one of you medical journals.

The sound of cartoons fills your ears and it isn't until fifteen minutes latter that she throws her head back, resting it on you knees, and turns to look at you. "Good morning, Nerd."

You puts away your reading material and smile at her spiky hair, reaching out to comb your fingers through it.

"Tough night?"

She closes her eyes and turns to the ceiling, practically purring at the gesture. Not that you will ever tell her that. Gail Peck doesn't purrs! But then again there is a lot of things Gail Peck doesn't do that you've already witnessed.

"I'm good. I just need another coffee." Her eyes shot open. "And donuts! We need go get donuts Hols!"

See?! Adorable! "...Ok"

"Do you know if the eagle has left the nest?" Your fingers freeze mid air, her words reminding you of things you do not want to think about.

She looks at you expectantly, but you simply bend your knee, signing for her to give you some room to move your legs, and get up.

"I didn't heard anything."

You bring your mug to the sink and the sound of the TV dies out.

"You ok?"

God no, you're far from ok. But you can't tell her that. If you did you would have to explain the reason why...and that's something you can't bring yourself to do.

So you simply dry your hands on the towel and brings the coffee pot to refill her mug. "Yes, of course."

She stares at you in a way that makes you curse her police side. Thankfully, though, she doesn't say anything else and you quickly changes the subject.

"Aren't you afraid to leave the 'eagles' all alone?" She knows you're mocking the 'codename', you do it every time, but she ignores your tone and answers any way.

"Why should I?"

"Don't get me wrong, but they are practically strangers. That you leave alone. In your house." She raises her eyebrows taking another sip and you brace yourself on your hands mimicking her action. "The same place where you keep all your things..." You trail off and she brushes the end of her sleeve over her eye.

"Why would I get you wrong?" She yawns before take another sip. "You're right."

When she doesn't say anything else, you can't help but to chuckle at her. "Well, that was enlightening."

You sit beside her on another barstool, doing your best not to notice how high the shirt sits on her thighs. Her hand rests on your forearm and her breath tickles your cheeks as she leans closer.

"I do have some standards Hols." There's no hurt feeling on her voice, but still you turn to her with an apology sitting on your tongue. When you look at her, though, she has a sweet smile plastered on her face. It doesn't last long, however, and soon she's grinning at you, as if telling you a secret. "And a safe."

"What?" You laugh and she shrugs. "I don't have many things that are worth stealing. It would be at little weird to see someone walking out with a TV so I just keep all my valuable things on a safe."

"That's what I call an investment."

Gail tilts her empty mug at me. "That's what I call safe sex, Nerd."

"You are crazy, you know that, right?" You watch as she gets up an walks towards the sink.

"So I've been told." Turning around she leans back. "You are a doctor and you're still here, so it can't be that bad, right?"

She looks so beautiful right now. Well, she is always beautiful, but in this light and in this moment the sight of her makes your heart clench on your chest and you hands tingle. You want to reach out and touch her, run your fingers through her cheek and over her lips, and so you fist both your hands beneath the counter where she can't see them. "Oh no, it is bad. That's why I'm here."

"Ouch." Her eyes wide in fake shock. "And here I though you liked me."

She has no idea.

"Just a little."

Your voice is softer than intended and for a moment you think something stirs behind her eyes, she's about to say something but seems to change her mind and she chooses to stay in silence instead. Your eyes remain locked for a moment and she blushes a little, before you can be sure of what you're seeing, though, she shakes her head, waving a finger at you.

"And that's why you're taking me to get donuts!" Averting her eyes she looks down at herself. "But I need a shower first."

She walks past you and you turn on the seat. "Meet you downstairs in half an hour?"

Gail nods as she reaches for the doorknob. "Wish me luck Nerd, I going in."

Without another word she's gone closing the door behind her. Your eyes shut almost immediately and your head falls to the counter with a groan. Seconds pass before you laugh at yourself, maybe you're spending a bit too much time around Gail…ok, you know you're spending a lot of time around her.

But as much as you know that is not good for you, there isn't much you can do about it.

Is there?

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_Thanks for reading! Oh is this "second person" thing too weird? I started to write it like that without stopping to think about it. Please let me know what you think._


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Thanks you very much for all the lovely comments! I'm sorry for the waiting, but updates must be more constant now, I had some problems with this chapter but I think I'm happy with it.  
_

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**Chapter 3**

"You do know there's a least another five bakeries we could go, right?"

You know that's not truth, though, this is Gail and this are her Saturday morning donuts. There's only one place to go. Still, you need to complain a bit, even if is just to pass the time while you both wait on the line.

She takes her eyes from the menu and turns to face you, mouth open and eyes wide. You don't know if you laugh at her shocked expression – not a very smart move -, if you apologize and offer to buy her yet another sweet treat, or if you just stare at her deep blue eyes. God those eyes can do weird things with your mind – and your body, but lets no go there in broad day light on a public place.

Gail crosses her arms and take a step towards you.

"Did you really just said what I think you said?"

Ok, maybe you could have found a different way to pass the time.

"Is just that is always so busy and you always get the same thing, maybe we could make a change and go to another bakery?"

You make your best whining, that you most likely learned from her, and put on a mocking frown. Her lips curl upwards for a moment, but only for a moment, before she resume her stand.

"This is my favorite bakery, Dr. Steward. It IS called favorite for a reason you know?" You watch as she sighs in exasperation. "For a Nerd you can be a little slow sometimes."

"Of course this is your favorite bakery, is the only one you come to." Gail gives her back to you, and you chuckle at her childishness. Even though she knows you're just teasing she seems personally offended by the idea.

You don't need to see her face to know she is pouting and you don't need to be a genius to know you will be giving in to any of her wishes. You've been doing it ever since she moved into your building, crashing into your life, sneaking into your heart.

You know you will be coming into this bakery every Saturday for as long as you can after sheltering her from the "eagles" she keeps choosing over you. No, that's not right, she has chosen you for the bigger role, you're a constant in her life not only a passing visitor. Or at least that's what you tell yourself. You should be grateful, flattered even, and you are, you really are…is just…

Sighing you lower your head with a sad laugh to yourself. You're so screwed. This is so messed up.

Taking a deep breath you look up again and smirk, once you can't do anything about this heaviness on your chest you might as well have some fun with your best friend.

Sneaking behind her, you pass your arm around Gail's middle being careful not to touch her, you grab a corner of the menus she's been holding and keep your fingers still. The heat radiating from her body envelops you as you press yourself closer to her but you ignore it for now, you've become quite good at doing that.

When your front touches her back, you feel as she stiffens for a moment. "Maybe is time for you to start trying something new officer Peck." You whisper on her ear before pulling the menu from her hands.

Gail turns to you with cheeks flushed and mouth hanging open, making you laugh. During your time with her you've learned that her pale complexion can be rapidly changed by her humor, and yes, you do like to make her blush with your playfully flirts and banters. There is something about watching her porcelain skin turning slightly red that makes you want to smile. Gail can be all hard on the outside but you can see the tiny little gaps she has on her façade. You love when she allows you a glimpse through the small openings.

Gaps, not cracks. She is not broken. Gail is a fighter, a survivor, a warrior and so she just needed an armor around her.

You know people misunderstand her, but in a way you are grateful for this protection she has built over the years. She has told you enough stories about her childhood, her mother, her family and her past relationships – the "Nicholas incident" included – for you to know that this armor was precisely the one thing that prevented her from getting broken.

Gail had her fair share of pain, that's true, but you are happy she managed to protect herself just in time to save herself.

You keep your eyes on the menu, trying not to laugh, while expecting Gail's come back. and so you don't see the way she's looking at you.

You miss the way she wet her lips before releasing a long breath.

You will never know the words that were hanging at the back of her throat, dying to come out but being swallowed back.

You keep your eyes on the menu and you miss the intensity behind her eyes, just like you miss the inevitable crash. All you feel is the bump on your arm and the coffee being spilled all over the side of your coat.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!"

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Gail hisses at the stranger before grabbing your hand "Hols you're ok?"

"Is ok Gail, I'm alright."

She pulls at your coat keeping it away from your body. "Are you sure?"

"Yes" You raise your eyes and see her worried expression. "My coat got the worst of it, thankfully."

"I'm sorry, I should have been more careful." You turn your head to the voice and found a woman sheepishly looking at you, she shake her head as she speaks again. "There's barely enough space to move on this place."

"It was nothing, really." You offer her a small smile before turning back to Gail. "I'll just go to the bathroom try to clean it up a bit."

"I'll go with you."

She starts to pull you towards the back of the room, you refuse to move, though, placing a hand on top of hers. "No, no, you stay in line is almost our turn just…get me the usual."

"Sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

You nod at her but before you can take a step the woman is by your side.

"I'll help."

"I think you helped enough lady." Gail scolds at the poor woman and from the side of your eyes you see her flinching at the tone. This is turning to be quite an eventful morning.

You sigh Gail's name but before you can apologize for her behavior the woman steps in, keeping her eyes on you at all times. To be fair, you would not have wanted to be caught on a staring contest with those angry blue eyes either.

"She's right, but is the least I can do." She takes a strand of hair from her face giving you an apologetic smile. "Please?"

"Yeah." You find yourself smiling back without even noticing. "I'd appreciate the help."

Usually you love the rich scent of coffee, but when it is covering half of your clothes and following your every move, you find it to be a little nauseating. Frowning at this new discovery, you take off the coat even before the bathroom door is totally closed.

Her footsteps stop behind you and you hear the sound of her picking some paper towels for you. "Again, I'm so sorry about this I'm usually not so clumsy."

"This place is really full." You barely look up before starting to gently scrub the fabric. "Accidents happen."

She chuckles and sits over the sink. "I thought your girlfriend was going to throw a coffee machine at me."

"Gail?!" That image makes you laugh, you could definitely see Gail doing that if it had been more serious. "I won't say she wouldn't. But she's just my friend." You shruggles at her, noticing how she has been nervously playing with her hands and smiling.

"Oh." She leans over the side of the counter to inspect your work. "This is going to stain, let me have it dry cleaned for you."

You raise your head and, for the first time, you notice that her eyes have more colors blended together than you can count. At first sight they seem brown, much like yours, but now that she's closer you can see some honey and yellow and maybe even a little bit of…green? They are very different from the ones that have been hunting you for some time now – Gail's eyes are as blue as the clearest sky – but they are also very beautiful.

She looks at you expectantly, making you realize you may have been staring a little longer than you should have. "It's not..." You feel yourself blushing and quickly clears your throat. "…not necessary."

"Maybe not." The side of her mouth turns into a half grin and her legs start to swing. Is it wrong to find her this cute? "But I want to do it."

You smile back and folds the coat into a messy bun, extending it to her. "Ok."

"Good." Hopping out of the counter she takes it from your hands. "So…can I have your number? Maybe we can set some place for me to get the coat back to you." She takes a step closer. "Get some drinks?"

Did she…did she just...asked you out?

"Do you make a habit of throwing hot drinks on girls just to ask for their numbers?"

She chuckles, but her eyes remain locked on yours as she replies. "Just on beautiful ones."

The room suddenly seems hotter than when you had hot coffee spilled all over you, still, you keep with the light flirt. Is been so long since you've done this with someone that isn't Gail.

"And if I say no?" You raise an eyebrow and you can see she's fighting to keep a straight face, God this is so refreshing, you can't help but to feel a little like a school girl.

Raising the folded coat, she waves it in front of you. "Then I'll have to keep this little fellow here."

You gasp a little too dramatically. "Assault and bribery?"

"What can I say?" She shruggles, giving you a little smirk. "I girl got to do what a girl got to do. You never answered my question."

Taking a deep breath, you remain silent.

This is not what you were expecting, you didn't come here to have coffee spilled all over you and you certainly didn't come here looking for a date, you're here only to grab some donuts for your friends and some other pastries for you so you two could go back to your apartment and watch some movies. This is the way you've been spending your Saturdays for almost a year now. Gail is how you've been spending all of your free time for almost a year now, and even thought you don't want to change it deep down you know that you should.

This crazy situation you have buried yourself in with Gail isn't healthy for your sanity, or your heart, you are well aware of that and to be honest you're just not sure how much longer you can take it. You know you will break eventually and when that happens you're still not sure how you'll be able to pull yourself back together.

Rachel and Lisa know that too, as does your sister. They have been warning you, and they have been trying to drag you out of this hole even against your will. You've lost count of how many dates they have tried to set you up with, you went out a few times, just to make them happy and easy their concern, but you always knew it wouldn't be anything more than that.

You never wanted it to be.

Maybe you just wasn't ready to let go.

Wasn't?...But are you now?...Will you ever be?

You don't know how long you've been lost inside your own mind, but it must have been a few long minutes because now her eyes are widening and she's taking a step away from you. You immediately realize you don't want her to. "Look I'm sorry." She shake her head looking at the ground. "I can just have this delivered if you pref…" Before she can finish her sentence you have your mind make up, so you fishing a card from your pocket and put it on her hand.

She's confused by your action but with one glance at the paper in her hand, she is giving you a huge smile.

It makes you just a little more sure of your decision.

"I'm Holly." You matches her smile and she hugs your coat a little closer. "Taylor."

This doesn't mean anything yet, you don't know if it will even mean something at all, but for the first time seems Gail has entered your life you are willing to find out.

Maybe you wasn't ready before…but maybe you are ready now…maybe this means that someday you'll be able to call Gail your best friend and don't feel the sting inside your chest. Maybe this means that someday you'll be able to hug her and breath at the same time. Maybe this means that this heaviness on your chest doesn't have to be there forever.

Maybe, just maybe, this means that you will be ok.

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_That's it, please let me know what you think and thanks for reading! :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_**A/N: Remember I said updates should be more frequent...yeah...I know, sorry for the wait but thanks for the lovely comments and for keep reading this story.**_

_**A special thanks to my awesome, talented and amazing friend Mysticalcheesecake for the thoughts, the help with the editing, the additions/changes and for being the one telling me to 'quit procrastinating'! You are such a busy person and still find the time to help me out with this fic and to write your own spectacular pieces, so, thank you (again). **_

_**Hope you like and if you do, or don't, please let me know ok? Comments are always appreciated. ;)**_

_**See ya!**_

**Chapter 4**

You walk out of the bathroom with the fading stain of coffee on your shirt, a sense of excitement in your chest and her by your side.

You could not have been gone for more than ten minutes, just time enough for you to clean up your shirt a bit and hand both your coat and your phone number to this girl.

Just ten minutes, and yet, it feels like a lot more.

As you close the door and head back into the crowd, you can't help but to feel different than the person that walked away from them. Almost as if you had re-entered your own life with a new perspective of things, with a new understanding of this crazy situation you placed yourself in. With a new sense of what it is that you need to do in order to survive the mess you have created for yourself.

You were stuck in front of a door that would never be open for you, you could have banged and pleaded and screamed and begged for her to give you a chance, for Gail to open that door for you, but you knew it would be useless. More than that, it would be dangerous. She would have shoved you away the minute she realized what it was that you were doing, and so you had remained planted in front of the door, back resting on the hard wood, knees drawn up, eyes closed tight.

Unable to move, unwilling to see, not wanting to hear the sounds that tried and tried to lull you away from the place you had carved for yourself. You knew you couldn't stay like that forever, but it was inevitable that you would have to get up in order to let someone else enter, but you never really believed you would be able to move on for yourself.

Chuckling you shake your head, who knew a cup of hot coffee to the chest was all you needed in order to wake you up to your own life?

Taylor looks at you with a curious expression and when your eyes meet, you start to think that maybe the coffee wasn't the only thing responsible for this change. You dismiss her silent inquisition with a smile and start to make your way through the people, listening to the ruffle of your coat on her arms as she tries to manuver her way to follow you.

You only need to take a few steps before you spot the familiar platinum blond hair in front of the counter and that well-known pull on your chest reminds you that nothing is ever as easy as it seems. You desperately want to hold on to this new feeling, this excitement of the unknown, to this voice in your head telling you that this is it, that this is the time for you to step back, or better yet, the time for you to step forward.

You also know it won't be overnight.

You have just stood up for the first time in a long while, your legs are wobbly and your feet are numb. You took your first step in that bathroom and you know you are not ready to run but you also know you will not sit down again.

Coming to a stop at the far side of the room of you make sure Gail can see you when she's done placing your order. Taylor stops at your side noticing the crowd, the corners of her mouth fall into a frown. She seems almost disappointed and you have an idea why.

Smiling you nudge her with your elbow. "You won't get back in line?"

"Are you kidding me? If I do, it will be lunch time by the time I can order." Taylor laughs before turning to face you, placing her shoulder on the wall and leaning into it "I'll just take my chances with coffee from someplace else. Maybe closer to a dry cleaning place."

Mimicking her position, you smile as she looks apologetically at the stain that already formed over the fabric "You can wait until Monday."

"I could" Her face lights up mischievously. "But as soon as I do this, I'll have an excuse to use that number you gave me."

"Oh really?" You chuckle but she remains serious, just looking at you. "Really."

You look at her for a moment, feeling a slight heat warm your cheeks, its just enough to make you feel bolder. "I don't have your number." Taking a step forward you tilt your head. "Why don't you use that as an excuse?"

You see her swallowing, a smile appearing on her face, but before Taylor can speak you hear another voice emerge from the crowd.

"Hey Hols, everything alright?" Gail inspects you for a moment before turning to face the other woman. "Is she trying to steal your coat after ruin it?"

Taylor smiles nervously, pushing herself off the wall. "I'm just gonna go now." She takes one step backwards before offering you a real smile. "I'll talk to you once this is taken care of, Holly."

You smile back nodding and its not until she is out the door that you look back at Gail. "Was that really necessary?"

She fishes a doughnut out of the box, handing you the holder with two cups. "What? That is a nice coat, it looks good on you and I know its one of your favorites I was just trying to protect it."

You chuckle and roll your eyes as you both start to walk towards the exit. "Always the cop, huh?"

Gail shrugs taking another bite, her lips becoming covered in white sugar powder, you smile fondly at her. You love these moments when she is so openly carefree and young.  
"Don't worry about the coat, it will be fine. Taylor wasn't stealing it, she'll have it dry cleaned for me."

Gail pauses with the donut half way to her mouth, her eyes wide.

"Taylor?" She asks, lowering the donut.

"Yes" You don't look at her. You can't bring yourself to look at her, instead you gaze at your hands fleetingly. "Taylor...the woman you scared away just now."

You pull the door open, feeling the cold breeze find your skin through the thin fabric of your shirt. You keep walking but suddenly Gail is not by your side anymore.

"Since when you know her name?"

Its a simple question but her tone is different than only a minute before. The words may sound accusatory but when you turn to look at her that's not what you find.

When your eyes meet blue all you can see is...fear?

You turn and take a step backward, moving towards her. "Gail are you alright?"

She shrugs and looks at the half eaten donut still in her hand.

"Why wouldn't I be?," She doesn't look at you. "...I'm just curious, is all"

Her voice is so small, you can see she is trying to dismiss whatever it is that's bothering her. It doesn't matter how much you want to know what's going on in her mind. If there's one thing you've learned about Gail it's not to push her.

"I...I talked to her when we were in the bathroom. When she offered to take care of my coat."

"Bet she offered to take care of other things too."

You can barely believe your ears.

She finally lifts her gaze to meet yours. "Just saying, you two seemed very comfortable around each other."

Now you can hear the accusation but of what exactly, you're not sure. Regardless, it doesn't matter, she has no right to talk to you like that. You have done nothing wrong.

The guilty you felt only a minute ago has been replaced by annoyance.

"Gail, why are you acting like this?"

Brushing past you she keeps moving. "I'm not acting like anything. I'm just saying; you two seemed pretty close."

You cross your arms against the chill. If it's from the weather or her tone, you couldn't say. "We got along very well, not that it's any of your business."

That makes her turn to you, her eyes fuming blue.

"Any of my business?! Any of...! Of course it's my business Hols!" She raises her voice slightly and it's enough for you to snap.

"And why is that?"

You watch as she stops for a moment, you can almost see the wheels in her head turning. Her posture relaxes. Her arms fall at her sides. Her face softens and gone is the dark blue on her eyes, replaced by a lighter shade. Defeat. Acceptance. Honesty.

"You..." She almost whispers and then finds her voice tucked away behind her feelings and allows it to come to the forefront. She takes a step in your direction you feel the annoyance starting to dissipate. "You're my best friend Hols, of course I care about it. I care about you."

Taking a deep breath you continue the walk to your car.

"Then just stop being unreasonable!" You relent, closing your eyes and exhaling. It takes a moment or two before you hear her catching up with you.

You're only a step away from the car when she stops you placing a hand on your arm.

"You're sure you're not hurt?"

If there was any traces of annoyance for her previous behaviour, the worry in her eyes is enough to make it all melt away. You feel a shiver run down your spine at her touch but you decide to blame it on the temperature and the fact you're now only wearing a thin shirt.

"Yes I'm sure." You nod and watch as she searches for the traces of lies in your eyes. After a moment or two she seems satisfied, offering you a small apologetic smile.

"Ok then. I'm sorry about before." You see her taking a deep breath, watch as her shoulders lose some of the tension you hadn't noticed was there before. "I was being an ass...what you do is not of my business. I don't know why i made such scene before." She admits, shaking her head apologetically.

You offer her a small smile. "It's ok. I forgive you."

She blinks away the seriousness from her eyes before slipping her hand in yours. "Thank you." She gives a light squeeze on your hand. "Let's go Nerd."

Her voice is barely above a whisper but as she pulls you towards your car she clears her throat before talking again. "I've got the supplies, now all we need is your big TV and my game collection."

Your phone buzzes in your pocket but with the cold air you wait until you have unlocked the car to check who is texting you. When you read the unknown number the corners of your mouth turn upward, reaching for your eyes and you place the cup holder on the roof of your car opening the message.

"_From one to ten how obvious was that I'm still a little afraid of your friend_?" You laugh remembering her expression both times Gail was near.

"_From one to ten how obvious was that she still doesn't like you very much?"_ You quickly type the reply before slipping inside the comfort of your car, you don't get to turn the keys before you get another message.

Glancing over at Gail you see that she's still busy trying to find a station she likes, smiling at her forehead wrinkling as she focuses on her task you pick up your phone again.

"…_am I smart to be afraid then?"_

"_You just need to know her better and you'll like her."_

"_Hope you give me the chance."_

You pocket your phone and find Gail looking expectantly at you.

"Are you ready Hols?"

You take a deep breath and nod before starting the car.

You are.

Aren't you?


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Another huge thank you to my AWESOME beta, editor and friend magicallychallenged for helping me out with this massive chapter and for everything else. Plus, she is one amazing writer so if you don't her stuff you should go and change that: www . fanfiction u / 1146847 / MagicallyChallenged and on tumblr where she goes by mysticalcheesecake_

_Also thank you all for the feedback and for keep on reading, means a lot to me!_

_PS: I borrowed a line there…hope it's ok._

Chapter 5

You have been sitting in the coffee shop for less than three minutes when your phone buzzes. You open the text by reflex and don't pay much attention to the name on your screen, your fingers are so used to day long text conversations that they act of their own accord now.

"_Stuck in traffic but I'll be there in 15. Sorry…" _

The first time you read the message you frown in confusion. Are you forgetting something? No, that's not possible. She's working a 8 hour shift today.

Your eyes search for the name at the top of the screen, and when you see Taylor's name, you smile, shaking your head at your silliness as your fingers dance out a reply.

_Not trying to run away with my coat, right?_

The new message comes almost instantly.

_And deal with the cop friend? No thanks. _

You chuckle.

_Only thinking about the cop friend? _

Couple of minutes pass and you're about to put your phone away when it lights up again.

_Thinking about the cop's friend…and tea_

You read the text and try not to acknowledge the fact that you're practically giggling at her words. Clearing your throat to keep the teenager side of you at bay, you write another message.

_Lol see you in 15_

It's been a little over a week since the bakery incident and, despite the fact you haven't seen Taylor since that morning, you have been talking to her almost every day, texting her almost as much as you text Gail.

Almost.

And so, you have learned a few things about her already.

You know that she's a chef opening her own restaurant in the city after working for years as an apprentice in one of the top kitchens in the country.

You know she doesn't like horror movies, action movies or, well, anything that involves any kind of fake blood. Which had led you both into a twenty minute talk about how you manage to deal with all the humans "insides" on a daily basis and to you discovering that she doesn't think of the animal "insides" are being…well…"insides" as she had expertly explained to you.

You know she wanted to play piano as a kid, but would rather cook with her grandmother than practice.

You know that her sister has just gotten married, that her younger brother has just gotten into college to study Gastronomy, like her. You know that her older brother has two kids, that her father opened a small carpenter shop after he retired and that her mother is a real pianist.

You know that she doesn't like cats.

And you know that you like her...In which capacity is still to be discovered, but you can tell already that she's someone you'd like to have in your life for a long time.

Flagging the waitress, you ask for a glass of water and inform her that you're waiting for someone else, before your phone starts to buzz again. When you look at the screen you can't help but smile. You had started to become worried about the lack of news from Gail, she would usually have text you couple of times by now but so far you hadn't received anything from her since this morning when you dropped her off at work.

You offer the waitress a quiet thanks and check the door to see if there's any signs of Taylor yet, before you unlock your phone.

_Can I collect a favor?_

A chuckle falls from your lips, you know this will be good.

_Collect? I don't think I owe you any favors Gail_

_What are you talking about? I let you give me a ride this morning :P_

It doesn't take long for her to answer and so you assume she must be on a break or back at the station for some reason. There is always a little voice in the back of your mind telling you to stop keeping track of her, that this is inappropriate and disrespectful. But there is also another voice that tells you it's a natural thing to do. It's not as if you were stalking her, you don't want to know what she's doing, you have no intentions to control her or to monitor her. You just happen to know her schedule fairly well by now, as she knows yours.

_Yes, I gave you a ride this morning. Which means you owe me a favor._

You type, pushing away any thoughts bordering the inappropriate.

_Alright then Lunchbox I'll do you a favor and let you help me!_

You can almost imagine her face as she says this to you; the smug smile plastered on her lips as she tilts a finger your way. Therefore, you do the same thing you would do as if she was in the same room with you, you simply wait for her to continue.

…

_Help me get rid of a body_

You stare at your phone for a moment, mouth agape. This has been a joke between the two of you, but it was always subtle jokes. Never this straight forward. Someone was really in trouble with this Peck.

_What?_

_Help me get rid of a body…please?_

Again, you can see her face in your mind. The smugness replaced by a sweet smile and those big blue eyes staring at you, pleading. Truth be told, you decide not to think much about it but if Gail was seriously asking for your help to get rid of a body, you can't say for sure what you would do.

Thankfully that is something you are sure she will never ask of you. Thankfully.

_Which one of your friends do you want to kill now?_

You fall into the banter, offering the waitress a silent thank you when she places a glass in front of you.

_None of them, I want to kill Steve_

You frown at that. Steve? Her brother? This one is new. Trying not to let your mind wander, you shake your head and laugh quietly.

_You want me to help you hide a detective's body? Can I just ask why?_

Subtle Stewart. Subtle.

_The less you know, the better…_

You bite the inside of your cheeks. If she is not telling you is because it's not a life and death situation. You can hear her snarky voice teasing "it's a need to know basis and you, Stewart, don't need know a thing". Just a sibling thing. A Peck siblings thing. After checking the door again and seeing no signs of Taylor, you reply.

_You want me to commit a crime, but don't want me to be able to give reason when we get caught? That's very... um..._

_Come on, you're Toronto finest and best pathologist, Holls...we won't get caught ._

This makes you smirk. A chair scratches the floor and you lower your phone before making sure no one is prying on your text conversation. When you're sure of your privacy you start to type once more.

…_sometimes I wonder what would happen if my phone got confiscated…_

One thing is for sure, whoever ended up having to check your texts would have a great time going over your conversations with Gail. And a lot of work.

_THEN, we would definitely go to prison_

You laugh at her bluntness.

_That's reassuring…_

You take a long sip of your water and watch as the phone buzzes.

_Holly_

Tilting your head you stare at the screen. When you don't receive anything else you decide to try and coax the rest out of her.

_Gail?_

This time she replies instantly.

_I'd throw my pie for you_

Trying your hardest not to burst out laughing, you throw your head backwards and squeeze your eyes shut with a grin on your face. After a moment or two you look at your phone again and let out a chuckle while you type.

_I knew I shouldn't have let you watch that…_

_Your fault, Nerd_

You shake your head amused, not caring if she can see you or not.

_Go back to work Gail_

Placing your phone on top of the table you take another sip from the glass, she doesn't give up easily though, and you know she would follow your advice just yet. Only a few seconds later you're proven right.

_Is that a yes? Will you help me?_

You start to type a uppercase negative reply, but stop suddenly deleting the whole sentence with a smirk before trying a different approach.

_Will you tell me why? Pretty please? _

_Never mind…I'll call your intern._

When you receive her reply you can help but to laugh at that idea. Steve must have done something terrible in Gail's view.

_Gail_

You send before pausing for a moment with your fingers lingering over the keypad, but you don't need to wait long for your queue.

_Holly?_

Stifling a small laugh, you type your next text.

_Maybe you'll get arrested just in time for taco night!_

You just hit 'send' when you see a body sliding in to the booth in front of you.

"I'm sorry I'm late" Taylor smiles at you, a little breathless "But at least you seem to be having some fun."

"I was just…" Waving your phone you give her a sheepish smile before tucking the device back into your pocket. You know you are not doing anything wrong, you were only talking to a friend while waiting for someone –a date, maybe? An acquaintance?-, still you feel a light burn on your cheeks as if you've been caught with your hand in the cookie jar.

"How are you?" You recover quickly, and if she noticed your momentary awkwardness she is kind enough not to show you.

"I'm great thank you," Taylor slides a bag over the table giving you a smirk. "...and so is this little fellow here."

"Fellow? I think you spent too much time with it." you chuckle as she flags for the waitress.

It's the middle of the afternoon and so there is only a few people sitting in the coffee shop. You have never been here before, though you had been the one to suggest that this be the place you two should meet. You've heard good things about it and thought this would be a good opportunity to try the blueberry pie Rachel had mentioned.

Besides, you had passed by the front of this shop before, it had a good atmosphere and an inviting facade. It would be a great place for a casual meeting like this. Neutral ground, as it were.

Those were the only reasons you had suggested this place, or so you tell yourself.

Not because you had been with Gail to most of the coffee shops, dinners and bakeries in the area.

Not because you had felt the need to be in a place where you would not be haunted by the memories of her.

Not because you didn't want to mix those memories with the ones of today, whatever those may be.

Nor because you felt you need to distance yourself from her today.

If you wanted to give this a chance, if you wanted to give Taylor a fair chance you just knew you needed to detach yourself from Gail. You knew you wouldn't be able to do that sitting in a place where you had been with her, looking at the menu and knowing exactly what she would have ordered. Remembering her comments about the food and retracing your conversations.

Gail couldn't be here today.

This wasn't about her, but this wasn't about Taylor either.

This was only about you. About you choosing to live a different life.

With that thought in your mind, you slide the phone from your pocket and put it in your purse. Just in case.

She watches you for a moment before speaking. "Hope I haven't made you wait too long."

"No, not at all." You dismiss the comment with a tilt of your head. "It's my day off today, it's not a problem."

"Does that means I can extend this throughout the day?" Taylor narrows her eyes at you and you find yourself slipping into her playful posture giving her a side smirk.

"What do you have in mind?"

The waitress brings your orders but Taylor's' gaze never leaves you. "Nothing yet, but I'm sure we can think of something."

.….

The sun had just set and after spending most of the day talking, laughing and watching as people came and went, you finally left the shop. You were in no rush to leave each other however, and so when Taylor had told you there was something she wanted you to see, you had agreed.

The pathologist in you had hesitated, you had seen enough bodies on your table to know people were unpredictable.

The Gail in you thought it could be a trap, that she was just trying to steal your internal organs and sell them on the black market, hey, it could happen.

The woman in you, though just wanted this to last a little longer and so you had agreed to this little car trip.

You drove your own car, naturally, pausing before you got in to take the phone from your purse to place it back into your pocket. But you didn't look at the screen as you did, you didn't check for messages. It could wait, Gail... could wait.

You hadn't been driving for long before you noticed Taylor pulling over in front of a large stone building on a fairly busy street. You brain makes a note of it being a weird place to keep hostages, too exposed and so you figured it was safe enough to exit your car and follow her to the entrance.

She pauses for a moment outside, her hands reach for the door handles and she gives you a nervous smile before pulling them open for you. Stepping inside, you blink rapidly trying to adjust to the darkness but soon enough the inside of the large warehouse looking building lights up.

"Where are we exactly?" You ask, looking around at the piles of plastic and wood covering every if not all of the floor and the snaking system of wires that hang from the walls and ceiling. You push your glasses further up the bridge of your nose and squint, trying to make sense of what you're seeing. It's a open concept construction with rustic brick walls and dark concrete floors that reflect the lines of small spotlights on the ceiling. You can see a big stone counter in one corner and double doors leading to a separate room, there are a few shelves on the walls and a slight elevation in the back of the room.

"This," she says coming to stand in the middle of the space with her arms wide open. "...Is my baby...or at least it will be and in less than nine months, I hope."

"This is your restaurant?!" You state more than ask, but she nods anyway. "...This space is amazing."

"Yes it is," There an arrogant amount of self-certainty in her words but her smile tells you that she's simply proud of it. She loves her job and you can relate to that. "...It doesn't have much yet, but," You watch as she walks to behinds the counter and to the double doors waiting for you to catch up with her, before she pushes them open so you can look inside. "...This will be the kitchen," she moves inside and gestures around quickly before turning and stepping back out, her hand coming to rest on the counter as she wiggles her eyebrow at you making you chuckle. "...and this, will be the bar."

"What about that?" You find yourself asking before you can control yourself, lifting your chin slightly and indicating the raised area.

Taylor leans over the counter looking at the elevation. "That will be a small dance floor."

"Dance floor?" You ask, mimicking her position to inspect the building for a second time, trying to see the vision she has painted for you.

"It will be a different concept. I want people to come here and have a great meal, but I don't want them to feel like they need to leave to go have some more fun." You can feel her shifting to face you. "It won't be a club but after eleven o'clock they can come here for more than just a meal."

"That's a very good idea."

When you look at her again she's leaning on her elbows, her chin resting on her fists, a wide grin on her face. "Thanks."

"This would be a place I'd like to visit."

Her smile fades and she sighs softly. "I hope other people think like you too."

You make your way around the counter until you're standing on the opposite side. "There's only one question..." You speak up, and her eyebrows narrow momentarily before her eyes widen expectantly, you pretend to wipe a stain from the marble top.

"How's the food?"

"Oh it's so good!" She groans and you laugh. "But since I know you are a woman of science, I could grant you real proof if you like." Taylor looks at you shyly and you feel your stomach flutter lightly. "Do you have any plans for lunch tomorrow?"

"I work tomorrow." You say apologetically.

She nods and looks at the floor for a moment before her eyes lift again with an idea.

"How about your lunch break?," She smiles and leans forward. "...It won't be a five course meal but it will still be amazing food."

Swallowing, you force your eyes to remain on her face. That's not too difficult though, she does have beautiful eyes.

"Alright," You nod, mentally going over your schedule. "...I can arrange a decent lunch break."

"Good, then I'll be there." Taylor's smile vanishes suddenly and in it's place is a frown, and you're worried that she has changed her mind for some reason. You're about to ask what happened when she starts to speak again. "Can I text you from the parking lot?".

It takes you only a minute to realize what is she talking about, holding your laugh, you try as hard as you can to keep a straight face.

"You should come inside. I'll give you a private tour right before we eat."

"Oh God, please don't." She writhes, her shoulders shaking a little as she juts her tongue out a little past her lips in disgust, you can no longer contain your laugh.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket and in an automatic reflex you reach for it, seeing the familiar number on the screen.

Taylor starts to walk away from behind the counter and you take the time to read the text message.

_Lunchbooooox: code blue! I repeat, code blue! SAVE ME!_

Checking the time you notice that Gail and the rest of the rookies must be heading to the Penny after their shifts.

_I'll be there in 30'_

"Are you ready to go?" Taylor asks as she comes to stand by your side.

You nod lightly, heading towards the exit. You push the metal door open as she runs her fingers over the light switch, plunging the space back into darkness before locking the building. You stare at the floor as a nervousness finds you and mixing with the chill in the air causes you to pull your arms around yourself in a hug. The jingle of keys stopping, you move to your car and rest your back against the door, moving both hands down into your pockets.

When she's sure everything is closed and sufficiently locked, Taylor turns around and looks at you with a soft smile on her face. "I had a very good time today."

"Me too." You admit, as she takes a step forward. "Thanks for showing me this place."

She smiles, and takes another step.

"My pleasure. Thanks for not grabbing your coat and running away."

You take a deep breath and push away from the car, chuckling at her words. It's only when you're upright that you notice the proximity. All you have to do is take a step and there would be no space between you.

Just one small step, and she's aware of it too.

She wets her lips. You swallow hard.

There's a voice in the back of your mind telling you to close the gap, to make a move, put one foot in front of the other.

To meet her half way.

Her eyes are burning into yours. You take your right hand out of your pocket, your fingers tingling in anticipation. You know you just need to get a little closer and she will pull you into her. Just the little impulse that will put you in her orbit.

It's just a step and God knows you want to take it. Your mind is screaming at you to take it. But your chest is hurting and gravity is weighing heavy on you.

Sighing in defeat, you divert your gaze from hers, looking at your shoes and knowing you will still need to untangle yourself from the G force that is keeping you from moving.

Her feet get into your line of sight and you start to shake your head, an excuse ready on your tongue but when you raise your eyes, you can see tenderness in hers and a soft smile on her lips. She knows the moment is gone. You know she won't push it.

Taylor places a hand on your arm and slowly leans to place a kiss on your cheek before stepping back again.

"I'll let you know when i get there... Tomorrow" she stumbles, there's an uncertainty in her tone and you can't blame her for it. You can only reassure her.

You want this.

"Yes," You just need a little more time. "...I'll meet you in the parking lot and we could eat at this park I know of, a couple of blocks away."

"Sounds perfect." She smiles again. "Good night Holly."

Fishing the keys of your back pocket you wait until she opens the door of her own car before entering yours.

"Good night Taylor."

….

Entering the Penny you immediately spot Gail by the bar, after a quick scan of the room you find the table with the rest of your friends and make a Ybeeline towards her passing by their table to say a quick 'hello'.

"Hellooo." You stop by her side as the bartender places a drink in front of her. "Can you make that another one please?"

Gail takes a sip before looking at you. "Hey! How was the great coat rescue?"

"It was nice. Taylor and I had good day." You take the drink that is placed in front of you before meeting her eyes.

She seems a little startled, but quickly comes out of her haze. "Day?" Gail shakes her head and you can see she's a little confused. "Oh, I…I…didn't know it was a…date."

"It wasn't," You say it before the words are fully out of her mouth, avoiding her eyes and placing a couple of bills on the counter instead. "...I mean, I don't think it was a date."

You turn to walk to your table but before you can take a step her voice catches up to you.

"Did it feel like a date?"

Shrugging you bring the straw to your mouth taking a sip. You're taking the cowards way out of this conversation and you know it.

What you don't know is why you feel the need to spare her. She's only a friend. Just like Traci, Lisa, Rachel, Chloe. It wouldn't hurt her to know that indeed it had felt like a date.

A very good one.

"Are you meeting her again?"

You nod, knowing you can't avoid two questions in a row. But again, why should you be avoiding these questions.

"She's going to bring me lunch tomorrow."

"Oh that's…nice." Gail finishes her drink with a big gulp and turns back to the bar signalling for a refill. Silence falls between you as she pays for her second drink but it's soon broken by Dov's voice shouting across the room.

"Are you guys playing or what?"

Right! 'Code blue'

"Status?" You ask Gail as you both turn from the bar to face the crowd.

"Get ready." She groans and her forehead falls to your shoulder. "He brought the new ones today."

"Gail!" Dov calls again.

"We're coming!" You reach the table and she pulls you a chair. "But Holly is on my team."

Chris whines sliding his own chair closer to Andy's. "That's not fair, 'Golly' again?"

She stares at him and he raises both his arms in surrender. "Golly again. Got it. No problem."

Hours later, you are tucked up in bed with another trivia win on your record and a niggling feeling in your stomach.

You try not to think about the way Gail had kept glancing at you for the rest of the evening but never truly meeting your eyes. Force yourself not to worry about the distance she had created between your chairs. Struggle to erase the memory of her hand quickly wrapping around the glass once your fingers had gotten a little too close to brush against hers. Strive to dismiss the way she had tried to keep herself busy on the elevator ride.

Instead…instead you choose to focus on lunch dates and the amazing afternoon you had and when you finally find sleep, you dream of closed restaurants and hazel eyes.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Yet again, a huge thanks to the awesome MagicallyChallenged. Miss, you rock! If you're not following her on tumblr, __you should__, she goes by MysticalCheesecake there__; and if your not reading her stuff, __you need to__. __Seriously :D_

_Thank you all for the lovely responses to both of my fics, you are all very sweet! Hope you like this chapter and please let me know what you think ok? :)_

* * *

**Chapter 6**

You finish lighting the last candle when a loud knock invades the quietness of your living room. Glancing at the door, you frown in confusion before putting out the match with a swift blow. You're not waiting for anybody and even if you were; this sudden minor blackout would surely be enough to spoil your plans.

Still, you make your way across the dim lit room, stopping briefly at the coffee table to get your phone and press the flashlight app, before opening the door not even bothering to look thought the peephole.

You're met with the sight of a blonde woman in an oversized dark sweater and yoga pants, her hair is in a messy bun, a few strands of lose hair framing her face. A face that seems a little too pale for your liking - though in the darkness of the hallway your sigh may as well be deceiving you - and eyes a little too wide, of that you're sure.

You notice the way her left hand tugs at the bottom of her sweater while the other one holds a small flashlight. Suddenly you feel a small clench in your chest at how young she looks, how small and how…scared?

You open your mouth to ask her what's going on, but she doesn't give you a chance to speak.

"Hey Lunchbox, do you need anything?" Her question comes out in a rushed, breathless tone as she changes her weight from one foot to the other. You can see it in her eyes that she's trying to keep still but knows she is failing at it.

You take a step forward instinctively, but keep your free hand on the doorknob to prevent yourself from pulling Gail to you, in an attempt to shield her from whatever it is that's bothering her. "Gail, are you alright? What's wrong? You didn't use your key."

"Nothing's wrong." She shakes her head, far too enthusiastically, trying to overcompensate for the lack of honesty in her words. "I just wanted to check if you had enough candles or batteries but you are a nerd, of course you'd have a flashlight app." Gail forces a chuckle and it only serves to make you even more nervous.

Gail has been your friend long enough for you to know that if you ask her again, she will either deny it completely or clam up entirely. But if you had to learn that lesson the hard way, you also learned something by accident, something that has been serving you well: the head tilt. If there is something that can make her talk, that's it.

So you take a deep breath and replace your concerned expression with a harder one, slightly tilting your head to the side as you give her your best 'cut the crap' face – her words, not yours.

She blinks a couple of times, biting her lips and averts her eyes.

"I took a nap and then when I woke up I couldn't see anything, it was all dark." Her voice is barely above a whisper, shaking, heavy with something you still can't quite understand. "...I couldn't see anything." Gail repeats and for a moment you are sure she's not in that hallway with you anymore, at least her mind isn't. Somewhere in the building there's the fading sound of heavy footsteps on concrete, probably just another dweller taking the stairs, and it's not until you see the way Gail's breathing picks up, her hands nervously twisting the soft material of her sweater, her head shooting up to inspect the empty hallway, that you realize what this is all about.

She woke up to absolute darkness, confused and without knowing what was happening.

Just like that day.

Just like when she was abducted from Andy's house.

You want to beat yourself up for not realizing it sooner, for not pulling her into your arms instantly, like you had wanted to. Like your instincts had told you to. That will have to wait, because right now you just want to take that lost and frightened expression from her face. Gail is not one to let her walls down like this, for some reason she trusts you enough to see the most vulnerable side of her, and so, you have developed this strong need to take care of her. You know she doesn't really need protection, she can fend for herself, but you also know she is more fragile than most people believe.

Taking your hand from the doorknob you reach out to untangle her fingers from the hem of the sweater, drawing her attention back to you as you replace the fabric with your own fingers. She stares at you for a moment and you offer her a soft smile before tugging at her hand to make her come inside.

"I have a lot of ice cream in my freezer and it would be a shame if it went to waste." Gail remain silent, her big blue eyes glued to yours, you give her cold hand a gentle squeeze, smiling softly . "...It's your duty to protect me officer."

She chuckles at that and you feel warm inside. "I wasn't aware that melted ice cream was dangerous."

You make at face at her, squinting your eyes and showing you tongue. The quiet laugh that rings in your ears makes you want to smile, but instead you keep a straight face faking indignation as you scoff. "It is! It's disgusting."

"You're a forensic pathologist Holly!"

She keeps laughing and this time you don't try to hold back your smile. "If I don't drink blood, I don't eat the gooey, sticky, melted ice cream."

"Well" Gail says with a little smile, lightly swinging your hands. "Here to serve and protect ma'am!"

"Good." You says as you tug her further into the room and close the door behind you, leaving the darkness behind. "Cookie dough or banana cheesecake?"

…..

"Switch?" Gail asks with a mouth full of ice cream while offering you the tub she's been nursing for the past few minutes. You nod an agreement, licking your spoon clean as you do a trade off in mid-air, she begins to dig into the canyons your spoon left behind, immediately.

You are both sitting on opposite sides of your big leather couch, blankets thrown over your bodies, backs pressed against the arms rests, knees slightly bent and legs meeting in the middle. The curtains are open to allow the light of the full moon to enter your living room, and there are candles spread over the coffee table and on top of the sideboard, casting yet another soft comfortable glow over you both.

You smile as she scoops a spoonful of ice cream and dips it in the chocolate sauce you had dug out from the bottom of your cabinets, pouring it in to a small bowl for her.

This isn't healthy and you know it.

But this is Gail and so you don't need to worry about her getting sick, after years of junk food, overly sweet foods and caffeine she has developed a stomach of steel. Besides, you couldn't really fight the urge to give her something good. Not tasty. Good.

After seeing her so vulnerable, standing on your doorstep, all you wanted was to lift the heaviness off her shoulders and take her mind away from the past. Anything and everything you could do to make that happen, you would.

And if it is something as simple as sweet treats and coziness, so be it. You're not complaining.

It's been over a year now since the incident that took Jerry away and left Gail with scars that ran deep. She didn't talk about it, she never had. Not with you and not with anybody, other than the therapist she had to see before going back to work and maybe with Tracy, though you weren't quite sure of that.

At the time you had been friends with her for a little over six months. You had seen her before, in the halls of 15th division, but before she moved to your building you hadn't really had the chance to speak to her. A week of bumping into her on the elevator had led to sharing car rides to the station and the morgue, and from that to drinks at the Penny, weekend movie marathons, rushed lunches in your office at the morgue, Leo's hockey games…being her 'fire escape' You had become her friend, very fast, you felt you could comfortably commit to saying that maybe you were even, best friends.

So, naturally, when her apartment had to go through some renovations, courtesy of a minor leak, she had come and stayed with you.

Not that night though, that night she had decided to stay at Andy's because it was closer to the place she was going to be undercover and because she had hopes of meeting Nick. Gail said hadn't even thought about the possibility of bringing him here, to your home, she hadn't even asked you if she could. And for that you would be forever grateful, even though you wished with all your strength she had come back here, come back to you, to safety.

You remember the gossip flowing around the morgue when they started the operation to look for her, Chris calling to confirm to you that it was her, the trip to the church you had never entered before that day and the tearful prayer to a God you had never believed in, to get back a person you could never have. You could still recall the numbness when you heard that someone had been hurt and the guilty relief to find out it wasn't her.

There were other memories too. Of Jerry's autopsy, of walking Tracy down to the morgue for her to say her last goodbyes, of holding Gail while she cried herself to sleep the first night she had left the hospital. It was the only time you had seen her cry, the only time she let you, and it had broken your heart more than anything ever could.

Thankfully, she had managed to put herself back together and, before today, you had only seen the after effects of that faithful day once.

The day she had talked to Perick.

That night, she had climbed into your bed without a word and simply buried her face in the crook of your neck as you read one of your many medical journals, she had clung to you as her body shook, not crying, not screaming, only shaking.

And again, your heart had broken for her.

Your eyes had burned with unshed tears, you throat closing with the need of making it stop. In those two moments, if you could have taken her pain and placed it upon yourself, you would have without even thinking about it. Witnessing her sorrow, had left you feeling incompetent and worthless, rationally you knew there was nothing you could do except holding her and offer her comfort but making your heart understand that, had been impossible.

Her pain had hurt you.

Tortured you more than any of the nights you had caught yourself thinking about her coming home with someone else despite your best efforts to stop those thought from crawling out the hidden places of your mind.

Had? Past tense? Will you still think about that now? In the present, even though you've met Taylor?

Years can't be erased by weeks…can they? And even more importantly, should they be?

You like Taylor, you're not even going to try and deny that. But you have only seen her twice, at the coffee shop couple of days ago and yesterday, when you two had had lunch together at a park nearby.

She had made you a light chicken sandwich with mustard and spices, a salad of beetroots and carrots and the most delicious apple pie you had ever eaten. It had been wonderful. The food was delicious, the weather was nice, you two were able to sit at a rounded picnic table and the conversation had been great, as usual. At the end of your break, you had walked the way back to the morgue, talking lively after discovering your mutual love for running, by the time you two had parted ways she had kissed your cheek again with a small smile and flushed cheeks, leaving you with a full stomach and a wish for much more.

Yes – you smiled to yourself -, you really liked her.

"Holly?" You feel a light poke on your thigh and snap out of your haze to find blue eyes staring at you. "If you're going to be zoning out like that, I might as well take care of both tubs" Gail give you a mischievous smirk and pushes herself forward, carefully placing her ice cream and the sauce over the coffee table before launching herself at you.

You laugh and stretch your arm away from her as much as you can, squirming beneath her as she tries to climb you to get the tub you're holding. She is being careful not to crush you, you notice how she has planted one of her arms on the arm rest beside you supporting her weight on it and moved only when she is fully straddling the middle of your thighs. The sound of her giggles fills every corner of your mind, wiping away all of your previous thoughts.

With both arms free, she leans to the side, aiming for your outstretched arm and you can feel the heat of her body and the scent of her shampoo, carrying a warm comfortable feeling that settles on the pit of your stomach and spreads over your whole being. This isn't arousal, though, this is something else entirely. This is…happiness…home.

And so, you keep laughing and she keeps giggling but a moment later her knee slips, and she loses balance. You're fast enough to drop your spoon and wrap your arm around her waist, but not strong enough to preventing her from falling, ending up simply being pulled down with her.

You both land on the soft carpet with a muffled thud, cushions and the blankets you had around you serving to soften the fall. Sadly, you weren't fast enough to keep the soft ice cream from spilling over the two of you, and so you find yourself with sticky arms and the strong smell of banana on your nose. Beneath you, Gail is laughing with smudges of ice cream covering her cheek and sweater, the shadows are dancing over her feature, her hair slipping from the bun, and before you know it, you're bending forward to kiss her sweet cheek.

Her laugh stops. Her breathing too.

Gail stares at you with wide eyes and mouth slightly agape, even in the dim light you could swear you saw her swallowing hard and in less than a second, you're scrambling to get off her. Sitting on the carpet with her legs stretched beneath the curve of your bended knees. Beating yourself for getting too close, even if you didn't meant it like that. This is Gail and there are boundaries. Even if she'd bend them for you, still, there are lines you are not allowed to cross and by the look on her face you are pretty sure you just did.

"I'm sorry." You say without looking at her, thanking the shadows from preventing your red cheeks from showing. "I didn't meant to make you uncomfortable."

You feel her legs slipping as she sits down too, facing your profile. She remains silent for a moment, you breathing the only sound on the entire apartment, before sighing.

"Holly…" Her voice is soft, quiet…bare. Gail rarely uses your full name, you are 'Nerd' or 'Lunchbox', and 'Dr. Stewart' when you're both at the station or the morgue, but even on the rare times she had opted to use your full name, it has never sounded like that before. It has never been so…honest, almost as if the words hadn't been formed in her vocal cords but somewhere else.

Somewhere deeper.

You look at her and see she's sitting with crossed legs, her hands resting over her lap, forgotten there as she simply stares at you. Sees you. There's something in her eyes, a secret, a plea, something that is craving to come out, but that is being held back. Kept back.

Her gaze keeps burning into your eyes, and you hear more than see she taking a deep breath before opening her mouth to speak again. But the words are beaten by your ringtone, the silence is broken, the soft glow is interrupted and the invisible line tying your attention together is lost. You look at the device and she looks at the couch. You move to take the phone and she gets up, picking up the blankets and cushions and placing them back on the couch. You stare at the name on the screen for a moment and she starts to walk away.

"I'm going to clean up a bit ok?"

You nod in response, but she's already out of sight.

Releasing a deep breath you slide your thumb over the screen, bringing the phone to your ear.

"Hi, Taylor."


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N:__First of all, my most deep apologies for taking this long to post an update. But the next "chapter" (more like an "addendum", but that's for later...) is already done and I have more free time now so I should update more frequently now._

_Secondly, thank you very, very, very much for all the comments and all the support, means a lot to me and you guys rock!_

_And finally, a huge thank you to my awesome beta MysticalCheesecake (on tumblr)/MagicallyChallenged (on ), she's THE best :D_

_Please let me know what you think._

* * *

**Chapter 7**

You climb the last few steps to your apartment with heavy steps. Your bag is hanging low on your shoulders and you're fighting to keep your eyes open. It's been a long week, with cases piling up on your desk and interns being more useless that usual, but finally - oh, thank God, finally - Friday has arrived and all you want to do is take a shower, order some pizza and fall into bed.

At least that was the original plan, but with the dull pain at the front on your head getting stronger and stronger with each step, you start to think about your leather couch more and more.

Perhaps you should squeeze a nap in those plans of yours.

You growl your appreciation at this sinful thought, and your eyelids drop as you keep moving.

Nap, shower, pizza and bed. Yes, that sounds heavenly.

The sound of someone fumbling with keys causes your eyes to open, and you reach your floor while staring at Gail.

She's trying to open her own door but stops when she senses your presence. Her hand

falls to her side and she turns to stare at you with wide eyes.

She seems nervous and you can't help but to take a half step forward. Gail drops her duffle bag on the floor and rests her back against the door as she crosses her arms in front of her. It almost looks as if she's shielding herself from you. The thought makes your throat clench.

"Oh, hey!" Her eyes are hard and uninterested but her voice trembles. You can see by the look on her face she's not pleased with herself for that.

"Hi." You answer with a small wave. The whole thing is awkward and you don't know what to make of it. Things were never awkward between the two of you before.

Gail readjusts her arms before speaking again. "Hey" This time her voice is strong and even, but still makes your lips turn upwards in a trace of a smile.

"You said that already" Her face shifts and your smile fades rapidly.

You watch as she releases an annoyed breath. "It sounded familiar."

Gail is restless, shifting from one foot to the other while keeping her face as stoic as a Peck can be. "Is everything ok, Gail?"

"That sounds familiar too." She shakes her head and you can feel the annoyance growing. "Why do you keep asking me that?

The harshness in her voice startles you and you find yourself playing with the straps of your bag. "I don't…I don't know." That's a lie. You do know why. You just worry about her. You're worried about the two of you, as twisted as that may sound. "You just…you've been a little distant lately."

The moment after the words leave your mouth her posture changes. Her arms fall limp at her side and she pushes herself away from the door, you are sure she will take a step towards you, but instead she turns her backs at you to open the door. "Well, what can I say?" She shruggles. "Hard cold bitch here."

You know she can't see it, but still, you shake your head with a frown on your face. "I didn't say that."

"No, you didn't." The sound of her voice almost doesn't reach you, but the shaky release of her breath echoes in your ears.

"Gail…" She finally turns to face you, cutting you off before you can finish.

"Look Holly, I have a date tonight. And I need to get ready, alright?"

"All...right…" Her eyes don't meet yours and the door closes before your words can reach her.

With a heavy sigh and a heavier heart you make your way towards your door.

Swinging it open and stepping inside, you drop your bag and keys on the coffee table, get rid of your boots and your coat and falls with a thud on your couch.

The living room is dark, but still you close your eyes and throw an arm over your face. The headache is now blasting through your skull, angry and irritant. But not strong enough to fog your thoughts.

Ever since you started to date, three weeks ago, your time has been split between your best friend and your…girlfriend? Or whatever Taylor may be. But with the exceptions of a few nights a week and weekend afternoons that where now spent in Taylor's company, nothing really had changed. Not until the blackout incident a little under two weeks ago.

You're not sure why, but that had been the moment where everything changed. Where Gail changed and started to avoid you.

Your texts are either ignored or answered with a quick one word reply. There has been no more shared lunch breaks or takeout nights. No more video games being plugged on your TV or coffees being handle to you at the elevator. No more shared elevator ride as you both head towards the garage. No more quiet, lazy walks to your car and no more rides to the precinct either.

You've been replaying the events of that night over and over, trying to pinpoint the moment where everything went south. And as much as it pains you to admit it, you think you know what happened.

You fucked up.

How exactly that happened you're still trying to understand. So far you have narrowed it down to two possibilities: you've either gone too far and she realized how vulnerable she had allowed herself to be around you, or she finally realized you're a lesbian and freaked out.

Those are the only options but the longer you think about them, the more neither of them make any sense.

For starters, you have seen her at her lowest before, she has dried her tears on your t-shirt more than once, drawn her mother on a bottle of tequila while laying on your carpet, the blackout night certainly has nothing on that.

Secondly, Gail had known about your sexuality from the first day you two have met, maybe she finally have reached her "eureka moment" and started to see you as a predator, God knows most of your female friends have, but you know Gail better than that, you know she would never be like that.

Besides, why would she start to feel 'sexually threatened' about you now that you have Taylor?

And so, you're back to square one. The point where you know you've done something to drive her away but can for life of you understand what.

You've always liked to solve puzzles, that's one of the main reasons why you became a

pathologist, but this one seems to be way beyond your abilities.

Gail is the biggest mystery of all. When you start to think you have it solved she just turns it all around and you're back to being clueless and confused.

It's frustrating.

But more than that, it is scary as hell.

You take a deep breath and curl up on your couch, almost burying your face on the backrest.

Life is cruel. That is the only answer for everything that has been happening lately.

You didn't want to push Gail away with your feelings, you have endured the sight of her with other people, resigning yourself to the fact she would never be more than a friend. You have fought the jealousy, the heat in the pit of your belly and the butterflies in your chest until you have finally decided to move on. All so that you could keep her in your life, and suddenly she is the one pushing you away.

Yeah, life is a real bitch.

If you weren't so tired, you could even laugh at the irony of the situation right now. If you weren't so tired, you are sure that laugh could have soon turned into tears. But your limbs are heavy, your head is pounding and all you can do is think.

Think about Gail and Taylor. About the woman that came crashing into your heart and the woman that has been slowly sneaking into it.

If you weren't so tired, you could have chuckled as you recall Taylor's texts thought out the day as she complained about constructors and beamed over fresh carrots. You're not too tired to smile, though, at the promise she made you about baking the best carrot cake you could ever eat.

Your relationship with her has been growing nice and strong. The two of you have decided to take things slowly. Or better yet, you are taking things at a very slow pace and she has, kindly, allowed you to.

You finally kissed her on your second date and after that there were a few good make out sessions but whenever things got too heated you felt the need to stop it, you had.

Taylor on her part had never complained or pressured you, she simply smiled at you and gave you one last peck before backing off without a single word.

The first kiss had happened only a few days after she had brought you lunch, in the middle of the sidewalk on a normal Wednesday night, the buttery taste of popcorn was on your lips and she held a pack of M&amp;M's in one of her hands. You two were wandering through the streets just talking about the film, laughing and stealing glances, when suddenly she stopped in her tracks and turned to you. She had this unsure look on her face for a moment before she softly asked you if she could kiss you.

Maybe it was the tone of her voice, or the intense gaze she had upon you. Maybe it was the way she made you feel or maybe if was the way this night had made you go back to your teen years. Maybe it was desire born out of sexual tension or maybe it was desire born from something else. Whatever it may have been though, it made you melt upon hearing her words.

You didn't grant her a reply, as least not with words. Instead, you had taken a step forward and kissed her until your lungs ran out of breath and even after that you had taken a deep breath and kissed her some more, feeling a wave of happiness invading your chest as you felt Taylor smiling against your lips.

That had been answer enough.

You start to drift off with the image of blue and hazel on the back of your mind.

* * *

When you wake up it's to the sound of voices echoing through the hallway. You blink the sleep away and yawn, your neck feels a little stiff but the headache is gone now.

You stretch as best as you can on your couch and close your eyes again. In the quietness of your dark living room the voices are amplified and even if you can't understand what the voices are saying you would recognize Gail's laugh anywhere.

Mentally, you follow the voices – hers and someone else's, a deep male voice – until they disappear behind the bang of her door closing. You remain still for a moment or two, until your mind starts to wander familiar paths, and it's that more than anything that makes you get up from the comfortable couch and head to the shower. You use the water to silence the painful thoughts in your mind, focusing on the way the water drips over your shoulders making its way across your back and thighs.

It's relaxing and the steam that arises allows you to be lost in the mist for a few minutes.

Your stomach rumbles, though, bringing you back to the real world.

And so, you leave the blissfulness of your shower, change into your most comfortable PJ's and head for the kitchen. It's too late to order a pizza now and you're too hungry to wait anyway, but you're able to make a sandwich with the things you have in your freezer and a cup of tea to warm you up.

When you fall into bed again its past midnight and you're fast asleep almost as soon as your head hits the pillow. You don't sleep for long, though, you wake up again at four in the morning and frown when you realize you're all alone in your bed.

Gail mentioned she had a date, you heard when she arrived with him. By this hour she is usually curled up besides you, getting some sleep.

You try to shake off the strange feeling that invades you and close your eyes again, but sleep is too far away now.

The hours pass and you wait for the soft paddling across the floor. You wait for the dip in the mattress and for the smell of fresh soap on Gail's skin. You wait for the warm body seeking refuge under your covers.

But it doesn't come.

Instead, you are met with the angry red numbers of your alarm clock every few minutes.

The sun comes up and Gail hasn't come to find you. Instead, the day finds you all alone in your own bed. Fear and uncertainty tucked up and snuggled in beside you.

Why do you feel like you've lost her?

Tears start to bubble behind your eyes and you take a few deep breaths to calm yourself, you have no reason to cry. Not really. You know you haven't lost Gail.

How could you when she was never yours to begin with?

* * *

You don't see Gail during the day and you don't hear from her either. Which, strangely, makes things even easier.

That night, you head home and you're proud to say you enter your apartment without glancing at her door. You take a shower, change your clothes, pick up your keys and in less than twenty minutes you're knocking on a white wooden door.

The door swings back and Taylor's standing before you, a huge smile on her face when she sees you. "Holly! What are you doing here?!" She suddenly frowns and cautiously opens the door a little further. "Have I forgot something?"

"No, no I just…" You look at her wearing a pair of loose sweat pants and a tight long sleeve t-shirt, she is barefoot, her hair is up in a messy bun and you think she looks beautiful. "Are you alone?"

"Yes, I was about to…" You muffled the rest of her words with your lips.

It takes a moment for her to start kissing you back, but when she does, you waste no time before pushing her back inside, closing the door behind you. Her backs hit the wall beside her bedroom door and she slowly pries herself away from you.

"Are you sure about this?"

There are not many things you are sure about in life, but when you nod your response and tug at her shirt you are sure about this.

If Gail isn't a part of your life anymore, you're going to do the only thing you can and hold as tight as possible to the one person you do have.

To hell with reason and to hell with slow.

You're tired of waiting.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Hello there! Once again (and as always) I'm sorry for the waiting. To be honest I wasn't going to post this just yet 'cos it's still unbetaed, but some people have been asking me for updates sooooo…I'll just post this now, apologize for all the ton of mistakes and replace it as soon as I get a reviewed version. :)_

_Also, this is a shorted chapter because it's basically Gail's POV from the last one. My intention was to write the whole thing from Holly's POV but this chapter just happened and I think it's important to see both sides of the story…or at least to have a glimpse of what's going on with Gailt…so I hope this is ok-ish. The next one will return to Holly. _

_And finally: thank you very much for all the support! You guys are THE best! I always love to hear what you think about this story. :D_

* * *

**Chapter 7 (Gail's POV)**

The lustful growl echoes on the stairs making you freeze. Your heart starts to pound but if it's out of fear or of something else, you rather not try to figure it out.

Maybe it's because of both (when did that happened?).

The sound of footsteps in those same stairs jerks you awake and your hands begin to shake, you try to get the key onto the keyhole but for some reason you just can't make it fit.

In that moment you can swear the key is bloated. That or your locker have grown tired of seeing you be the asshole that runs out of the apartment every morning just to avoid bumping into Holly.

The sound gets closer and closer and you're still fighting to make the fucking key work.

It's official now, even your objects hate you.

She stops at the top of the stairs and you give up. You've been successfully avoiding Holly since the night of the blackout, but you knew that eventually you would have to face her again.

To be honest, though, you had imagined this would happen at work. After all, there is only so many times you can use empty interview rooms to hide away and there's only so many lousy excuses as to why you shouldn't go to the morgue.

At home, you thought you'd be able to dodge her for longer. You're getting up earlier, getting home later, you stopped using the elevators during the day and - once or twice - have even gone as far as controlling your steps in the stairs so you two won't see each other as she exits the elevator. It all have been coming together just fine…until now.

And all because of Dov and his stupid need to get home earlier to see Chloe. She needed to find someone else to give her a ride.

Taking a deep breath and putting you best "Peck façade" on, you turn around to look at her.

"Oh, hey." Your voice trembles at the sight of her and you mentally scolds yourself. Get a grip Peck, this is all your fault.

"Hi." She replies with a small wave and you fight the urge to break down in front of her.

Instead, you cross your arms in an attempt to shield yourself from her presence and rests your backs against the traitor material of your door. "Hey."

"You said that already." You see her lips turn into a soft smirk and you can feel your blood beginning to boil. She has no right to do this to you, no right to make you feel this confused. You have no idea what is happening inside your own mind right now and is all because of her and that stupid smile of hers.

You need to get out of here. You need to leave.

"It sounded familiar." The annoyance is clear on your tone. Her face drops and you can't help but to feel a tiny little bit of satisfaction about it.

You don't want to hurt her, not really, but it looks rather unfair that you need to be the only one who's feeling this messed up here.

"Is everything ok, Gail?" A part of you wants to burst a laugh at her question. You wish you had an answer for her, you wish you knew what's happening to you right now but the truth is that you're caught up on a hurricane of emotions and thought just spinning and spinning without being able to comprehend what had led you here on the first place.

On the days that had followed the blackout you had replayed every scene on your mind, trying to understand the exact moment where everything changed. Where you changed.

But the more you think about it, the more you realize that as much as that night had been the breaking point it was only the apex of a built up that had been happening since the day Holly had walked into your life.

Things didn't changed sudden. You've been slowly and gradually allowing her to become a crucial part of your life. She's one of the few people you actually care about. One of the couple of people that can pull up with all your crap and bounce it back at you. The only one that truly gets you.

That night, when you were both on the floor, sticky with ice cream and panting with laughter she had bended down and placed a single kiss on your cheek and that had been enough to push you into the abyss. You had opened your eyes, looked at her and realized just how close she had gotten to you, you had seen reflected on the soft glow of her eyes just how much she had opened her way through your barriers and through your skin.

And it had freaked the fuck out of you.

She is your best friend and you don't want to lose her. It's better to push her away than to watch her leaving.

Hence why you have been avoiding her.

She has Taylor now. And even if she didn't…this is Holly, smart, funny, carrying, sports lover Holly.

And you're just, the sarcastic bitch, people hater, broken girl, mess that is Gail.

Why would she want to be with you?

When have you even started to think about her wanting to be with you?

You're not even a lesbian…right?

You have so many questions you can't even begin to formulate, how can she expects you to have an answer for that?

So you do what you do best and divert.

"That sounds familiar too. Why do you keep asking me that?"

"I don't…I don't know." She seems so vulnerable right now, and it only serves to fuels your anger. "You just, you've been a little distant lately."

Yes you have, but not enough. If you're still feeling so many things around her you clearly need to push yourself even further.

"Well, what can I say?" You shruggles and turns towards the door, remembering the words you have heard so many times during your life. "Hard cold bitch here."

"I didn't said that."

You close your eyes and steadies yourself. "No, you didn't." But I wish you had, I wish you were like Chris or Nick or any other person I have even met before.

_I wish it was easy to throw you out and close the passages you have created in me._

"Gail…" Her voice sounds almost like a plead and you can't let her continue with this.

You pick up your duffle bag and pushed the door open telling her the first thing that pops in your mind. "Look Holly, I have a date tonight and I need to get ready, alright?"

Without waiting for her reply you enter the safety of your apartment, leaning against the closer door. You listen carefully but the hallway remains silent for a moment or two before you hear heavy footsteps towards her apartment and the click of a door locking.

You stare at your dark living room before making your way to the bathroom, the weight of your thoughts hanging heavy in your mind. Since you've already told Holly you have a date you may as well go out and get yourself one.

Anything to make you forget about this mess for a few hours.

As always it isn't hard to get yourself some company, and it isn't hard to convince – if there was any convincement needed – Josh, John, J…something…to go back with you to your apartment.

You're slightly tipsy but not enough to make this dangerous, only enough to make it very easy to get lost under his hands.

It's easy to allow your mind to go blank as he trails kisses along the column of your neck. It's easy to push him back towards your bedroom. Easy to moan as you feel his hands sliding under your shirt.

The tug on shirts, the unbuckle of belts, the slide of zippers the difficulty of those tasks are born from open mouth kisses upon skin and the urge to close your eyes. You still manages to go through all those motions and from then on, everything gets even easier.

Touch is simple and to be touched is even simpler. You take the pleasure you need and you allow him to take as much as he wants to as long as you can bask in it too.

The only difficult part is the afterwards, when you fall on your backs in the mattress with heavy breathing and coated in sweat. You can't tell how much of this is him or you, but to be honest you don't care, it doesn't really matter, this isn't what makes it hard.

You mutters a few words about getting some water and all you get in return is a sleepy groan, it wouldn't make a difference if he didn't even acknowledged you, though, because you haven't even paid attention to him.

The difficult part hits you like a ton of bricks at four in the morning, when you find yourself dressed in nothing but an old t-shirt, standing alone in your own kitchen. Your hair is still damp from the shower you just took and your skin still burning from scrubbing a little too hard. A glass on water in one hands and a set of keys on the other one.

You look at the baseball bat key chain, carefully rolling it between your fingers before settling it over the counter top.

You take one last gulp of your water to take away the taste of his lips, before making your way to your couch. You pull a blanket over your frame and close your eyes, maybe if you pretend long enough you may actually get some sleep…perchance even dreams.


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: At this point I don't even have a solid excuse so I'll just apologise from the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry it took me forever (10 months…to be precise) but like I promised this will be finished. I also promised this is a Holly x Gail fic so no worries there ok?_

_Thank you very much for everyone who read this and that is still following me in this ride. And for the ones that dropped out after the last chapter either for the waiting or for the content, I'm sorry for that guys, it was not my intention._

_Anyway, enough talk. Let me know what you think and feel free for kicking my ass into writing the next one hahaha ;)_

* * *

**Chapter 9  
**

"So...that happened, hã?" You open your eyes to see a steamy cup of tea and a shy smile, taking the cup you sit down on the bed making sure to pull the sheets with you to cover your body. The fabric is all tangled and it leaves a bit of too much skin showing, but Taylor's t-shit and lacy underwear didn't leave much to imagination either.

Memories from a few hours ago pops into your mind and you can feel the heart rushing to your cheeks. Bringing the cup to your lips you hope you can hide your blushing, but once Taylor gives you a beaming smile you let go of all your reservations.

In the past few hours you have let go of many things and abandoned many hopeless wishes. You feel lighter in a way. You just hope this easiness follows you outside these walls. Away from Taylor's presence.

She settles in front of you, crossing her legs and pulling some fabric over her own legs. You're not sure if this is a rhetoric question or not, but you nod anyway.

Taylor hums before speaking over the edge of her own cup. "Even though you wanted to take this slow..."

Taking another sip, you avert your eyes and nods once more. You hear another hum and the sound of rustling sheets before a long pause follows. You can feel Taylor's eyes glued to your figure but you remain still, silently blowing the steam away from you cup and taking small sips from the warm liquid.

"Should I be worried?"

Is her tone more than the words that finally makes you raise your gaze. Not shaky but unsure. Not afraid but almost anxious.

You look at her for a bit too long, noticing as she rolls the cup on her hands, restless. "Is this your way to break up with me?" She gives you a nervous chuckle and nods towards her own cup. "Because if it is, I think I'll need something a little stronger than tea."

You swallow the sweet aftertaste of your tea but before you can start to form a reply, she rambles on.

"...not that there is something to break...up...with..." She frowns and, despite her distress, she looks rather cute. "Is there?" She asks with a sigh, once again not giving you a chance to answer it. "...we never really talked about that...do we need to talk about that? Or...there's nothing to talk about? I mean, there is but..." Taylor places her up on the bedside table and scoots closer to you, your legs are almost touching now but she doesn't seems to noticed, too absorved in her own mind "Should we? Or are you breaking up with the...possibility of the...talk?"

You lost track of her trail of thought a long time ago and by the confused look on her face she finally seems to realize she is making no sense at all.

You two stare at each other for a minute too long, before you break into a laugh. Taylor drops her head on her hands and releases a muffled groan. "Please shut me up now."

Placing your own mug beside hers, you bend forward and grab both her arms, pulling lightly until she relents. You search her gaze but she dodges your tries, too embarassed to look at you. Chuckling, you push yourself towards her, lowering your head and placing a small kiss by the side of her mouth.

"I'm not breaking up with the possibility of the talk."

You whispers against her skin feeling her lips turning into a shy smile.

"No?"

"No." You sit back bringing her hands to rest on your lap. "But maybe I should apologize for the way I just burst through your doors and..." Flushing, you traills off.

Taylor shakes her head eagerly. "Noooooo storm away, by all means. I most certainly don't mind."

Her cocky smirk is enough to break any tension left in the room and you grin, reaching behind you back to grab a pillow and throw her way.

She falls back into the matress laughing and you beam at all this.

Is been so long since you had this lightness in your life you didn't even remembered how good it is to fly and not to worry about reality. You join her in the laugh and shifts to lay besides her, staring at her ceiling.

This is a breath of fresh air for you. So new and so welcome at the same time. Though you know this is a bubble and that, eventually, you'll have to face the consequences of your choices. The idea is somewhat scary, but in a good way. You hope.

Taylor turns on her side and supports herself on her elbow, looking down at you.

"What I meat to say is that I'm just really curious. For someone who was taking it slow we surely skipped some steps." You can't help a smile when she is quickly to add in a mid laugh. "Not that I mind, I absolutely don't...but I thought you weren't ready."

"I..." Taking a deep breath, you try to make some sense of what you're feeling right now. Of what you have been feeling for some time. Is hard to put it in words when your still haven't had the time to really come to terms with this new stage of your life.

When you're still occilating between wanting this to be a new start and wanting to run back to your apartment and lock yourself inside until Gail gets there. When you know there is a small part of you that is still torn between wanting to drag her back in - only as a friend, always as a friend - and locking her out for good.

Suddenly everything is far too complicated once more and the lightness you were feeling only a minute ago starts to fade away.

She must have sensed your distress because Taylor reaches out to take one of your hands, running her fingers through yours. For some reason, the motion has a soothing effect and part of you braveness starts to come back.

Maybe you just need to be 100% honest this time even if you don't make perfect sense. "I think I didn't wanted to be ready."

"I'm not sure I follow." She shakes her head, scrunching her brows. You supress a sigh, if only Taylor knew you're as confused as her.

"I like you Taylor." She grins and you can't help but to smile back at her, squeezing her fingers gently. "I really like you but I've been..." Stuck, longing, yearning, craving, expecting. "...single for so long and I've been so accostumed with my life the way it was that I was just scared to step away from my..." Pathetic pinning, unrequited feelings, stupidity. "...comfort zone."

"What changed?"

That's the million dollar question isn't?

You take a deep breath, shaking your head. Honesty. You need to tell her everything, or at least as much as you can.

"I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just tired." You can barely hear yourself, so you clear your throat and looks at her. "Maybe I realized there is nothing to be afraid of." There is no one for me to lose. "Maybe I just don't want to overthink things anymore or play what if's." I'm tired of putting my life on hold, even if it was unintentional. "Maybe I don't want to life with the possibility of an us anymore, I want something tangible." I just want to let go. I need to let go and so I'm forcing myself to do it.

Taylor runs the back of her hand over your arm and you feel the goosebumps erupting.

"Is this you asking me to be your girlfriend?" She smirks. You can see she's joking, but the idea isn't unappealing to you. In fact, the notion of calling her your girlfriend is rather inviting.

If you're doing this, you're doing it right.

After all, this is easy and you really do like her. A lot.

You smirk too and caress her naked thigh.

"Is this you saying yes?"

As the words leave your mouth you can see the emotions shifting in her features. From teasing to shock, from shock to delight, from delight to fondness.

"No." She leans down brushing her lips against yours. "This..." She settles against you, pulling at the sheet that has been precariously cover you. "...is me..." She sits on top of your thighs, grabbing the hem of her own t-shirt and pulling it over her head. "...saying yes." She hovers over you for a moment of two before you push upwards, pulling her along with you to sit on your lap as you trail a path of kisses down her neck.

Yeah, this isn't going to be hard at all.

* * *

You drop the last comic book on the box and finally close it. It took you way longer than expected but as you get up from the floor, scanning the shelves of your living room, you're almost sure you got everything.

There are things in there you aren't quite sure if they belong to her or if they were once yours, but you had place them inside the box anyway. DVD's, books, CD's and even a few kitchen appliances.

The clothes were easy to separate, not enought fleece and backpacks as she once told you. You smile thinking back at that day in Noelle and Frank's wedding. You and Gail had drank a little too much champagne but before you could do something stupid - like kissing her pout like you had been dying to do from a very long time - you had yanked her up and dragged her to a club so you two could dance off the alcohol.

The two of you had busted your craziest moves and laughed so hard your sides hurted afterwards. Somewhere along the night, when you had ran to the bar to grab a bottle of water, a guy had took your spot dancing with Gail. You had stopped on your tracks, pondering if you should go back to her or just walk out of the club, leaving her to end the night as she pleased.

Before you had the time to make up your mind though, you had seen her leaning to whisper something in his ear before he marched away. After sending him away she had spotted you from across the room and, with a grin, waved you over to continue with your silly dance.

Later that night, you both had stumbled into your apartment with sore feet and equally sore cheeks from smiling too much.

Running your hand over the lid you take a moment to ground yourself.

This is the right thing to do.

This is the best thing for you to do.

After almost a month of dead silence and glimpses of blonde hair turning away at the sight of you, you're pretty much sure you've lost your friend.

The thing you feared the most has happened and you didn't even had the chance to tell her the whole truth about how you feel...felt. If you knew Gail was going to walk away from you one way or another, maybe you wouldn't have stopped yourself from kissing her in that closet. Or in the day of the blackout.

Shaking your head you push those thoughts away. That is all in the past now.

You gave her enough time to come around, to reach out to you and at least let you know for sure what you had done wrong. Where you had screwed up.

But her silence spoke more than word ever could and so, you were following her lead.

This is the right thing to do.

After writing her name on the side of the box, you pick it up with a heavy heart and starts to walk towards her door. Is sunday morning so your best guest is that she's still sleeping, but you're not sure about anything that has to do with Gail anymore.

You're about to drop the box over her doorstep when her door burst open.

She looks at you in shock for a moment or two, as if you were the last person in the planet she expected to be standing in front of her door. Is this, more than anything else, that puts your mind at easy.

This is the right thing to do.

You're not part of her world anymore, so why she should be in yours?

"Holly? What...what are you doing here?" Her shock is replaced by exasperation and you feel anger starting to boil under your skin.

"Hello to you too, Officer Peck."

You didn't meant to mock her, but could she blame you? The annoying sigh that leaves her mouth does nothing to calm you, and you feel your hands tightening on the carton box.

"I'm late Holly, can we talk later or something."

She leans agains the doorframe and for the first time you notice that she's wearing a baseball shirt, holding a cap in one of her hands.

Sunday. Baseball. Today must be one of Leo's games.

You had been to several of his games in the past, but not since your fallout with Gail. You saw him once or twice at the station since then, but you two haven't hang out much lately. He used to love all the gross facts you would tell him whenever Gail had to "babysit" for Tracy when Steve wanted to take her out on a date.

He would always claim he was too old for a "nanny" however, he had no problems in having sleepovers with Gail, which somehow always turned into the three of you building forts and watching way too much TV.

You should ask Tracy if you can pick him up for ice cream or something like that someday. Taylor makes an amazing blueberry pie and you think they would get along just fine if they ever got to meet.

Gail huffs impatiently.

"That's funny." You scoff. "Doens't seems like you want to talk to me that much anymore."

She deflates a little at your tone, though not enough to make you want to apologize.

"Is too early for this so lets jut drop the passive agressive bullshit for a moment, ok?" She straightens her backs, seeming startled by your words. "Gail, I spent a lot of time going thinking about the blackout night, retracing and analizing everything that happened and I know I was out of line." You take a deep breath feeling the anger leaving your body. "I overstepped and I invaded your personal space, I...I almost kissed you and I shouldn't have." She gulps down, averting her eyes while you shifting on your feet, this is getting more uncomfortable than you had antecipated. "I get it. I fuck it up. I made it awkward and I pushed you away. I know all that. I'm not stupid and I can't blame you for wanting to be away from me."

Big blue eyes shot up to meet yours once again.

"I'm sorry it has to be like this." The voice you hear is soft and you almost doesn't recognize it as being yours. Suddenly, you think this conversation would have been better if you were still angry at her antics.

You extends the box and waits until she takes it from your hands without a word. "I'm sorry I ruined our friendship."

You take the few steps to your own door and when you turn to close it, Gail hasn't moved. She's standing in her own doorsteps looking at the box you just gave her.

All the attitude seems to be gone and she's just a girl standing there.

Just Gail, no Peck.

Just like she used to be around you. Just your best friend.

Holding onto your doorknob a little too tight, you can help the words that follow.

"But if you ever need me, Gail. For anything, anything at all. You know where to find me."

Your door closes before you can see the tears rolling down her face.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: I'm just going to say that chapter 11 is written already and that chapter 12 is well under way. Have faith my friends! :)_

**Chapter 10**

After packing Gail out of your apartment – part of you wish to say 'out of you life' whereas part of you still misses the annoying shooting sound of her video-games in your living room – things fell into a comfortable routine.

Your week days hadn't changed much.

You would go to work in the mornings, sneak out to have lunch with Taylor whenever you both could – which was less and less frequent now that her dream restaurant was becoming a reality –, go back to the lab and wait until it was time to go home.

The main difference, was the amount of extra hours you had been putting on. It wasn't the crazy hours you did when you first got the job, but you rarely left on time anymore. Nowadays you only went home to grab a quick dinner and fall into bed.

The only exceptions were the days in which Taylor would be done sooner, either too pissed at one of her investors or contractors or too excited over something new they had added to the building. On those nights, she would text you from the parking lot with a bag full of groceries and a huge smile.

Sometimes you wish she would just let you order take out or pizza from that place a few blocks away from your apartment, but apparently Taylor had a huge aversion to anything that wasn't homemade cooked, so you had simply given up. Is not as if you should be complaining about homemade meals anyway.

The frantic pace of your week left you with no time to think or to miss anything and while you were well aware avoiding those feelings wasn't the smartest thing to do, it surely felt good.

The weekends were the trickiest part.

Your extra hours meant you had absolutely nothing to do for two whole days, being left with a huge 48hrs gap to fill.

When your girlfriend – why did the word still felt so foreign to you? – could accompany you, you two would go hiking or running in the mornings.

It hadn't take long for you to discovery that Taylor was as much of a sportsperson as you were, which was quite exciting at first, since you rarely had anyone to keep you company during your exercises. You two had shared trails, running spots, hidden paths and even some easy climb spots so you could start practicing.

It was all wonderful at the beginning and you really looked forward to those times, but now you couldn't deny it was getting tiresome. You loved all those things but somedays all you wanted was to shut down your alarm clock and sleep in.

The bright side of working out that much and that frequently, though – other than the new gained incredible shape of your legs, of course – was the increase blood flow that left your senses tingling and the sweat that kept the thank top glued to your glistening skin. Facts Taylor always made sure to show you just how much she truly liked.

So yes, sometimes you wished you could sleep in, but much of your afternoons were spend in bed anyway so you had no intentions of actually stop with your exercise sessions. Neither of them.

Couple of days after dropping Gail's box and seeing her ready for Leo's game, you had ran into Traci during a case. As you were finishing giving her your inputs about the body, she had bumped into your shoulder and told you everyone had been missing you. Except for Dov, Dov was thrilled about being Trivia king once more, she had added with a smirk.

The fact she hadn't asked why you had stopped attending to Penny in the first place had let you to believe that Gail had talked to her about you. In a way you were glad you didn't had to explain her anything, or try to come up with a silly excuse for your absence.

You missed them too.

All of them.

Once you had said this to her, she had looked at you for a moment or two appearing as if she wanted to tell you something important, but gave up in the last minute, shaking her head instead and giving you a smile.

"We are your friends too, you know?" Passing by you, she gave you a half hug. "You don't need to shut down from us just 'cos she shut down from you."

You had closed your eyes and returned her hug, feeling both grateful for knowing you still had your 'rookie' friends, and sad for knowing thing were never going to be the same again.

When you two had break apart, she had turned to go back to the squad car but you had stopped her, asking if she would mind if you took Leo to see the new dinosaur exhibit they had assemble at the zoo.

The relieved look on her face made you chuckle, and when she finally left, you had new plans for your Saturday morning.

Least this time you had a good excuse not to go running with Taylor.

That had been over two months ago and since then you had seen Leo three more times: one to have ice cream, one to help him with his science project and one to celebrate him winning science fair. You had also met Tracy and Andy for brunch, Chris and Dov at the batting cages, and Chloe to help her shopping.

You had even spent an entire day with Nick when Sam placed him with you at the lab.

In none of those times you had brought Taylor along with you. It wasn't that you didn't wanted them to meet her, but it felt odd to have those two parts of your life colliding.

They were Gail's.

It felt too awkward to bring Taylor into the mix, and so you hadn't. You had kept your 'rookies' and your girlfriend as far away from each other as possible.

Once that thought had crossed your mind you and you once you stopped feeling guilty about it, you had literaly fall on your butt in laughter.

If this didn't feel like the afterwards of a break-up you didn't knew what it was.

Except there had been nothing to break up with.

What an irony.

Filling every hour of your day also meant you had fulfilled your editor's wishes and finished a paper that had been sitting on your desk for months now. All there was left to do was to review it one last time and send it to him so he could make his suggestions.

And that was how Friday night had found you.

Sitting on your couch with a mug of tea in one hand, a blanket spread over your legs and you laptop resting over your lap.

To be fair, this wasn't your original plan. You were going to initiate Taylor on the wonder that was Wynonna Earp, but she had called you the day before to let you know she had a family emergency and would have to reschedule.

Her sister had been rushed for an emergency C-section, and so Taylor was going to fly to her city to be with her family. You had instantly offered to go with her but she had reassured you there was no need, she would called you as soon as she landed and as soon as she had news, not hanging up before she had promised to made up to you when she came back.

Many hours later, you had checked you phone to see the picture of beaming Taylor with a pink bundle in her arms. Everything had gone well and she was going to spent the weekend at her parent's house, but should be back on Monday night.

Until then, you were left with a paper to review and even more time to kill.

There was only a few more paragraphs for you to go through when the doorbell interrupted you train of thoughts. Frowning at the clock, you slowly got you from your position taking the blanket from your legs and wrapping it around your shoulders.

You heart was beating a little too fast and you tried to push the memories of Perik's case away from your mind.

Maybe you had been hanging around too much at the lab, or maybe your cop friends had told you one too many stories, but it was past midnight and you weren't expecting anyone. Besides, the doorman hadn't announced whoever it was that was, so what else were you suppose to think?

Making sure your phone was near you, you looked through the peephole.

If your heart was already beating fast from being startled by the doorbell, what you saw made it jump up to your throat. You tried to steady your hands enough to open the door but barely managed to turn the key.

There, standing in front of you, was a worried Chloe holding a beaten and bloodied Gail. The blonde was sagged against her side, barely standing.

"I'm sorry but she refused to go to a hospital."


End file.
